My sister won't help herself

[yellorowz]

and it is causing me a great deal of guilt because of my growing
feelings of resentment toward her. She is 50 years old and has been a
drug abuser since age 13. Whether this has contributed to her current
condition or not is unclear. She will not allow me or our dad to go
with her to her doctor appts. I suspect she is doing what she can to
get medications other than what she should be taking for her conditon.
All we know is what she tells us and it is that she is on 7 different
meds for her bipolar condition. I know for a fact she takes other meds
- pain medications, uppers, anything to bring on a high. But when it
comes to the things she needs it is another story. Our dad is guilt
ridden. I am getting that way, but not for the same reasons. He
believes - because she is a master manipulator when it comes to him -
he has done something to bring her to this point. I feel badly because
she is after all my only sibling and I am older and all things
consider, still love her. I just don't like her. I try to tell myself
that life is all about choices and if she chooses to not follow the
regimen set forth by her doctor, then I have nothing to feel guilty
about. I have just seen her though, and it is so obvious she is
mentally ill. Yet I believe very deeply that if she and I were to be
set out upon the streets, she would survive when I would languish and
die very quickly. But knowing all this and BELIEVING IT, I can't shake
the guilt! I want her to be better, I believe she could be better, but
I don't think she wants to be better. This is killing our father very
slowly and it hurts me so much to see what she is doing to us all with
no obvious feelings of guilt or concern.
What can I do? How do I do it?

Thank you very much for listening. My family - Husband and children -
have long ago washed their hands of her and I don't blame them.

[Steve]

Bipolar is a very selfish decease, we like to manipulate others and
emotionally abuse them. In fact many suicides are the result of us trying
to manipulate and abuse others.

You may want to contact the mental health organization in your area to see
if there is a support group for others (family and friends of
manic/depressed people).

The drugs are more likely a way that she tries to cope with her illness. It
is a hell of an illness, in that it comes and goes and you often feel like
you are not sick and even worse important people around you feel that you
are not sick or that you can control it if you put your mind to it. Drug
abuse helps us in many ways, it helps us overcome social anxiety (your
sister may appear very out going, while in side she is fighting with social
anxiety and you may not know it); deal with the frustration of failing (we
often have a problem focusing or doing what is important); remove the pain
from hurting those that matter most to us (we do not want hurt others, but
sometimes we cannot help it)

The truth is that we have little control if we do not see our doctor and
take our medicine, but for many, they do not want to see there doctor or
take there medicine.

7 different meds seem a bit high, but again each case is different.

This sounds hard, but it is the truth and if you & you dad can accept this,
you will not only help yourself but also your sister.
- You & your dad are ruining your lives do to your actions, not your sisters
actions. I would strongly encourage that you get help, and in doing so, you
will put yourself in the best spot to help your sister if she wants it. If
not, then only one life is at risk.

A family counselor, will cost you less then $100 per session (45 minute) and
within 3 to 5 session you should be able to take your life back.
Counselors come in many back grounds, some may be nurses, ministers, social
works, or psychologist - find one that has dealt with individuals affected
by family members with addictive behaviors.

In the end, this is your sisters problem infact she has two problems, the
drugs and the sickness. Remember and live the 12 Step Prayer - God, Grant
me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Change the things I
can, And the ability to know the difference.

We are each given a life to live and I cannot imagine anything that you dad
did to make your sister like this, but he needs to get his life back before
he will be of much value to your sister.

Your dad needs to accept that she is a person and if she chooses to abuse
herself, that is beyond his control.

Another good group is Families Anonymous, which is part of the AAA group.

In closing, I would recommend
1. That you contact a support group such as Others or Families Anonymous,
you can find more information from AAA, the Metal Health Organization, or
Addiction center in your area.
2. That you consider personal counseling - your work may have a health or
EAP (Employee Assistance Program) that will pay for it - ask your HR rep.
3. Learn more about the 12 Step Prayer (this is not meant to be religious
but to help you understand what you can and can not do)- God, Grant me the
serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Change the things I can, And
the ability to know the difference.

Best of lock & enjoy the new year.

/Steve

Post by yellorowz
and it is causing me a great deal of guilt because of my growing
feelings of resentment toward her. She is 50 years old and has been a
drug abuser since age 13. Whether this has contributed to her current
condition or not is unclear. She will not allow me or our dad to go
with her to her doctor appts. I suspect she is doing what she can to
get medications other than what she should be taking for her conditon.
All we know is what she tells us and it is that she is on 7 different
meds for her bipolar condition. I know for a fact she takes other meds
- pain medications, uppers, anything to bring on a high. But when it
comes to the things she needs it is another story. Our dad is guilt
ridden. I am getting that way, but not for the same reasons. He
believes - because she is a master manipulator when it comes to him -
he has done something to bring her to this point. I feel badly because
she is after all my only sibling and I am older and all things
consider, still love her. I just don't like her. I try to tell myself
that life is all about choices and if she chooses to not follow the
regimen set forth by her doctor, then I have nothing to feel guilty
about. I have just seen her though, and it is so obvious she is
mentally ill. Yet I believe very deeply that if she and I were to be
set out upon the streets, she would survive when I would languish and
die very quickly. But knowing all this and BELIEVING IT, I can't shake
the guilt! I want her to be better, I believe she could be better, but
I don't think she wants to be better. This is killing our father very
slowly and it hurts me so much to see what she is doing to us all with
no obvious feelings of guilt or concern.
What can I do? How do I do it?
Thank you very much for listening. My family - Husband and children -
have long ago washed their hands of her and I don't blame them.

[scatterbrain]

Well id recomend she stay the hell away from upper's if she has
bipolar. They are bad new's if your bipolar. There bad new's for people
with the sanest head's.

The painkiller's are not so bad on the other hand. I take painkiller's
and im bipolar and they dont affect my condition. If anything im more
level headed when im on morphine then when im off the stuff. But that
could just be a result of the painkiller's keeping my chronic pain at
bay as well. My shrink said that it was a big factor in aggravating my
bipolar.

As for your sister it's her choice wheather she want's to continue to
abuse drug's or not. There's really nothing you can do about it unless
she want's to get help herself. Stop feeling so quilty about it because
it's not your fault or your father's. It's her fault and that's that.
She's got to sink or swim on her own.

That's more then abit harsh but it's the truth. If she's an addict she
wont quit until she wakes up one day feeling like shit and decides to
pack it in herself.