Discussion:
bipolars in love?
(too old to reply)
Harry
2006-05-12 21:30:29 UTC
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is it necessarily a rough road?
Maggie
2006-05-14 06:26:48 UTC
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Post by Harry
is it necessarily a rough road?
So taking it wider.........let's discuss how marriages/relationships
work for BP's.

Anything to share about the traits of a spouse it worked with....and
howthis manifested/affected your ability to be stable?

Traits in potential spouses that made your condition worse.

Several people here seem to be happily married. Heather, Nancy, Ruby
and Colleen spring to mind......

Intersting topic....let's disuss?

Maggie
m***@sbcglobal.net
2006-05-14 12:04:41 UTC
Permalink
Post by Maggie
Post by Harry
is it necessarily a rough road?
So taking it wider.........let's discuss how marriages/relationships
work for BP's.
Anything to share about the traits of a spouse it worked with....and
howthis manifested/affected your ability to be stable?
Traits in potential spouses that made your condition worse.
Several people here seem to be happily married. Heather, Nancy, Ruby
and Colleen spring to mind......
Intersting topic....let's disuss?
Maggie
Condition that results in divorce == being undiagnosed/untreated BP while
married.

My husband put up with a lot from me due to my illness. It was only when he
gave up on the marriage, and began telling his mother how I was acting that
anyone realized I might be ill and need help. I went to a mental hospital
(voluntarily) and started the long road to finding adequate treatment (I was
first misdiagnosed as having recurrent major depressive episodes - the mania
was not recognized).

It wasn't enough to save my marriage -- but it did save my life. So,
although I still blame him for giving up on the marriage, I am grateful that
he pushed me into getting help.

-- maryjane
Squiggles
2006-05-14 15:21:54 UTC
Permalink
Post by Maggie
Post by Harry
is it necessarily a rough road?
So taking it wider.........let's discuss how marriages/relationships
work for BP's.
Anything to share about the traits of a spouse it worked with....and
howthis manifested/affected your ability to be stable?
Traits in potential spouses that made your condition worse.
Several people here seem to be happily married. Heather, Nancy, Ruby
and Colleen spring to mind......
Intersting topic....let's disuss?
Maggie
I'm very happily married. I found lithium a great help
in emotional stability in romanitc emotions as well as
the entire spectrum, except shyness which still stays
with me.



Squiggles
canadagirl
2006-05-14 23:35:35 UTC
Permalink
My first thoughts are one who would be strong. Supportive, who takes
the illness seriously and has made it their responsibility (as a loving
and supportive spouse) to become educated. In doing so, that spouse
has a low tolerance for bullshit. I mean bullshit excuses like "Oh
honey, I'm so sorry you found that reciept for $300. I was manic and I
couldn't control myself." That type of bullshit.
One who gets to know your cycle and make allowances for it, like maybe
I'm cycling a wee bit right now and when I burst into tears of
overwhelmness the other night he went through my schedule of the next
3-4 days to see where I could cut back just so I don't go over the deep
end at any one point. (btw, how very observant of a couple of you who
thought you might be seeing some signs!) I do feel pretty fairly
fantastic though! WHOA-off topic. Thems my thought on your topic
right now Maggie, but I'll be watching this thread!
Colleen
2006-05-15 10:10:58 UTC
Permalink
Post by Maggie
Post by Harry
is it necessarily a rough road?
So taking it wider.........let's discuss how marriages/relationships
work for BP's.
Anything to share about the traits of a spouse it worked with....and
howthis manifested/affected your ability to be stable?
Philo is by ballast. He fully accepts the fact that I have bipolar. The
key to our relationship is there's a mutual respect for the other. It's a
trust built on acceptance. Both of us have worked through the shitty times
in our lives. One key element on why we get along is we both take care of
our own needs. We've both worked through and cleaned out a lot of the
garbage in our lives. We've known each other for 10+ years now. For about
18 mos. (early '97 to mid '98) I went off meds and broke off the
relationship because I felt I could drink and function without "those stupid
psyche meds." The it and I bottomed out. I received a letter in early '99
from him and the light bulb went off above my head. There was the person
who helps me to make my life bearable. We gradually got back together and
have only grown more in relationship to each. He's the ballast I'm the wind
type of thing.

Phil's traits? He's honest about his feelings, treats me and all people
with respect, and he tells the most dumb-assed jokes. We also have a whole
helluva lot in common. We're both writers, poets, artists, and generally
social people. We approach the world and others with kindness because in
the long run that's what people need from each other, kindness and respect.
The other stuff just becomes superfluous.

There's no magic answer to making relationships work. It's simple, take
care of your needs, respect the other as an indvidual and not an extension
of yourself, and laugh as often as possible.
c
Post by Maggie
Traits in potential spouses that made your condition worse.
Several people here seem to be happily married. Heather, Nancy, Ruby
and Colleen spring to mind......
Intersting topic....let's disuss?
Maggie
Chris
2006-05-21 15:43:02 UTC
Permalink
I can only congratulate you on your relationship.

My wife is my mirror.
I sometimes see a picture in from me I do not like.
I begin to think what I can do,
that this picture becomes more beautiful.

Chris


== original text in German language ==

Ich kann euch zu eurer Beziehung nur gratulieren.

Meine Frau ist mein Spiegel.
Ich sehe manchmal darin ein Bild von mir,
welches mir nicht gefällt.
Ich beginne nachzudenken, was ich tun kann,
daß dieses Bild schöner wird.

Christian
HeatherOK
2006-05-15 19:39:51 UTC
Permalink
Post by Maggie
Anything to share about the traits of a spouse it worked with....and
howthis manifested/affected your ability to be stable?
He's laid back and easy going, to a point. And it takes a lot for me
to push him to that point. And when I'm there, it's obvious and he
gets in the car and goes for a drive to his "thinking place" where he
will be until he calms down and has thought things through.

He's very logical and rational. Most of the time, it's me ranting and
raving, waving my hands in the air, looking like an idiot while he
tries not to laugh too loud. He's quick to point out flaws in my
thinking and will not hesitate to tell me if something's wrong. He
will tell you when my mood is going to swing the other way before I
even entertain the idea.

I know I've said things that have hurt and upset him. And while he's
gotten upset and argued with me a few times, most of the time he keeps
telling himself I"m not in my right mind and that it will pass, just
don't feed her and she'll be fine. And that's true. WHen I pick a
fight, and he just doesn't bite, I'll rant about it and then when it's
done it's done and I forget and move on. He doesn't always forget,
but he does always forgive.

I've ditched my medication a couple times, and caused all sorts of
havoc. THe last time I did that, when it was all over and I was
picking up the pieces (and figuring out how I was going to financially
survive the mess I created) he issued an ultimatum: ditch the meds
again and I'm gone. And I'll take Munchkin with me. It had the
desired effect. He had my attention and I began dealing with things I
didn't want to deal with or face.

He and I have known each other for over 10 years now. We were best
friends first, and later became more. I honestly don't know what I'd
do without him, and neither does Munchkin.
Post by Maggie
Traits in potential spouses that made your condition worse.
My ex husband. Everything about him.
Harry
2006-05-16 00:16:45 UTC
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I'm feelin/ pretty good
Cybil Cyclone
2006-05-16 12:11:45 UTC
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Harry started an interesting thread by asking:
"is it necessarily a rough road?"

I am surprised as I read other's posts about their significant others.
I am real happy that so many of you have such supportive husbands. I
have been married 5 times. Everything was good until I went manic and
scared them off.

The best thing about my marriages was 2 of them produced my 2 wonderful
sons.

Being BP1 has been tough on me and any relationship I've been in. I
really have given up on finding Mr. Right (til death do we part).

It's been a while since my last relationship. He was diagnosed with
schizoprenia and depression. He drank on his meds and I tried to be
there for him but it was so difficult trying to deal with both our
illnesses and I, being a recovering alcoholic who takes meds without
alcohol, our coupleship was in trouble from the beginning.

Good men are hard to find. I am a "asshole magnet." :-)

Taking care of myself is a full time job.
Maybe I, also, will some day find the Mr. Man who would understand my
mood swings and the rapid-cycling I go through.

"I am alone, but not lonely" was the last song I wrote.

Always a bride, but never a bridesmaid,
:-)

Take care of yourselves and your wonderful husbands,
Cybil
Harry
2006-05-18 22:10:54 UTC
Permalink
bipolars in love?a good totle for a play,but in life the chance of
whatever success is is slim.HarryI know
Harry
2006-05-19 21:39:58 UTC
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I haven't given up on a long distance relationship I can't define but
sure enjoy.Harry
Roger
2006-05-20 20:46:48 UTC
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Since stress is critical to stability(at least far as I know),the odds
are slim to none against a successful relationship.But lots of people
live with unsuccessful relationships throughout their their whole
lives.But,in the interest of peace and harmony,don't give up
yet,Harry.One swallow doesn't make a spring,right?Good night & good
luck.
Maggie
2006-05-21 01:27:03 UTC
Permalink
Post by Roger
Since stress is critical to stability(at least far as I know),the odds
are slim to none against a successful relationship.But lots of people
live with unsuccessful relationships throughout their their whole
lives.But,in the interest of peace and harmony,don't give up
yet,Harry.One swallow doesn't make a spring,right?Good night & good
luck.
It should also be note that even if a relationship doesn't win the
triple crown.....the trifecta of life long love and unending marital
bilss it doesn't negate how much people legitimately love and care
about the other.

Perfection is rare and even harder to achieve for BPs....but negating
the value of what we can and do have is just a rescipie for despair.

Maggie
Harry
2006-05-21 19:59:22 UTC
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the experience is what matters.I am experienced with success and
failure."every day I have to cry some",the song goes
Roger
2006-05-21 20:36:57 UTC
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Harry obviously is delighted by the new love he's found.Good night &
good luck,it's a great big goofy world
Maggie
2006-05-22 09:41:27 UTC
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Post by Roger
Harry obviously is delighted by the new love he's found.
Well harry's not alone in that.

Maggie
Harry
2006-05-22 21:18:23 UTC
Permalink
Post by Maggie
Post by Roger
Harry obviously is delighted by the new love he's found.
Well harry's not alone in that.
Maggie
I was sure we'd agree on something besides Van Morrison sooner or
later.Anyway I have always liked the sound of your voice(since I heard
it,I mean).Forget Roger the Doubtful.Harry
Roger
2006-05-22 22:45:14 UTC
Permalink
Yeah,the chances are the chances are getting better all the time
mostly.with any luck at all and a lotta love.It always takes those
things
Harry
2006-05-23 23:40:25 UTC
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Very good Roger.Stop trying to make me doubt.I'd like to have her on a
slow boat to China
Harry
2006-06-01 18:22:02 UTC
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Post by Harry
Very good Roger.Stop trying to make me doubt.I'd like to have her on a
slow boat to China
Harry in love sounds like a good song title,and more
Harry
2006-06-02 19:22:32 UTC
Permalink
Post by Harry
Post by Harry
Very good Roger.Stop trying to make me doubt.I'd like to have her on a
slow boat to China
Harry in love sounds like a good song title,and more
but I can't find a chorus for it.
anyway it helps if both participants be somewhat (equally) stable.
I ain't the rock of Gibraltar but I try.
Harry
2006-06-03 18:49:38 UTC
Permalink
Post by Roger
Yeah,the chances are the chances are getting better all the time
mostly.with any luck at all and a lotta love.It always takes those
things
In my experience with patients in a day treatment patient,then
counselor,
romance between two people with the major Axis I dx like bipolar
disorder or schizophrenia experience brief ecstacy or maybe pleasurable
sensations for awhile.
I can't remember any that were successful(including my own).I ignored
the professions who warned me.The other persons and I did experience an
almost paradise lost,& the darkness.Then one gets up the next day and
finds the sun still rises.I know,I waited.& the darkesthours were just
before the dawn as the saying goes.Harry
Harry
2006-06-03 18:58:25 UTC
Permalink
Post by Roger
Yeah,the chances are the chances are getting better all the time
mostly.with any luck at all and a lotta love.It always takes those
things
It does take that and more.In this age of narcissism(see Christopher
Lasch)most ill or not cannot make a commitment to anything and that
knowledge(which I know is no revelation to any here)and experience
leaves me shattered,as if something mattered.What if it did
Harry
2006-06-04 19:41:46 UTC
Permalink
Post by Harry
Post by Roger
Yeah,the chances are the chances are getting better all the time
mostly.with any luck at all and a lotta love.It always takes those
things
It does take that and more.In this age of narcissism(see Christopher
Lasch)most ill or not cannot make a commitment to anything and that
knowledge(which I know is no revelation to any here)and experience
leaves me shattered,as if something mattered.What if it did
maybe it is necessary to point that the preceding post was not aimed
directly
at individual persons(living or dead)and any resmblance is (mere)
coincidence.The book if one reads it efers to the culture of the
present times.

but with all the glory of love it (like the ol' song says)often
hurts,scars,wounds and mars but it's often worth the grief.Some get the
joy immediately,some later (if they stick around).I'm still here.I
think the grief is a necessary contrary.It's a ------- gauntlet,man, a
wise man once told me.Without love we might still be in the swamp,like
a very ol' Peter & Gordon song-"I don't care what they say/I won't live
in a world without love."Enough!"
Dylan sang-"No matter what you think about it-you won't be able to do
without it.Take a tip from one who's tried"Hank Williamssaid it too,the
words were just in a different order.

Harry hopeful anyway
Harry
2006-06-09 17:44:50 UTC
Permalink
Post by Roger
Yeah,the chances are the chances are getting better all the time
mostly.with any luck at all and a lotta love.It always takes those
things
Chances for two with bipolar disorder are less than encouraging.My
efforts failed for reasons.I do not recommend it.Take a tip from one
that tried.

Harry
2006-06-03 18:38:32 UTC
Permalink
Post by Harry
is it necessarily a rough road?
yes
Maggie
2006-06-04 13:39:22 UTC
Permalink
Post by Harry
is it necessarily a rough road?
yes
but even still it is a ride, often quite a ride. the trick is to avoid
a crash and accept it wor what it is....2 very fragil people trying to
make contact.

And it could still become a beautiful lifetime friendship., couldn't
it?

Maggie
Harry
2006-06-06 00:16:03 UTC
Permalink
Post by Maggie
Post by Harry
is it necessarily a rough road?
yes
but even still it is a ride, often quite a ride. the trick is to avoid
a crash and accept it wor what it is....2 very fragil people trying to
make contact.
And it could still become a beautiful lifetime friendship., couldn't
it?
Maggie
I think it will be the case,at least friendship,likely more if two
people want that -
but caution I'd urge-I don't like hurting another or any of those I
love.or anybody-or even my enemies,
who are invisible or only come out in the dark.Harry
Harry
2006-06-06 15:20:12 UTC
Permalink
Post by Harry
Post by Maggie
Post by Harry
is it necessarily a rough road?
yes
but even still it is a ride, often quite a ride. the trick is to avoid
a crash and accept it wor what it is....2 very fragil people trying to
make contact.
And it could still become a beautiful lifetime friendship., couldn't
it?
Maggie
I think it will be the case,at least friendship,likely more if two
people want that -
but caution I'd urge-I don't like hurting another or any of those I
love.or anybody-or even my enemies,
who are invisible or only come out in the dark.Harry
even friendship,which could probably have been more beneficial,requires
superhuman effort,or as my good Abnormal Psy. professor told the
students quarelling in the lounge,"it's just as easy to get along as it
is to not get along".Friends are rare and precious.just my concluding
comments on this subject.


"I gave it all away,gave it all away to all those sobs either unwilling
or unable to accept it."-Bob Dylan as "Jack Fate" in "Masked &
Anonymous"
Harry
2006-06-06 15:20:12 UTC
Permalink
Post by Harry
Post by Maggie
Post by Harry
is it necessarily a rough road?
yes
but even still it is a ride, often quite a ride. the trick is to avoid
a crash and accept it wor what it is....2 very fragil people trying to
make contact.
And it could still become a beautiful lifetime friendship., couldn't
it?
Maggie
I think it will be the case,at least friendship,likely more if two
people want that -
but caution I'd urge-I don't like hurting another or any of those I
love.or anybody-or even my enemies,
who are invisible or only come out in the dark.Harry
even friendship,which could probably have been more beneficial,requires
superhuman effort,or as my good Abnormal Psy. professor told the
students quarelling in the lounge,"it's just as easy to get along as it
is to not get along".Friends are rare and precious.just my concluding
comments on this subject.


"I gave it all away,gave it all away to all those sobs either unwilling
or unable to accept it."-Bob Dylan as "Jack Fate" in "Masked &
Anonymous"
Harry
2006-06-06 15:20:12 UTC
Permalink
Post by Harry
Post by Maggie
Post by Harry
is it necessarily a rough road?
yes
but even still it is a ride, often quite a ride. the trick is to avoid
a crash and accept it wor what it is....2 very fragil people trying to
make contact.
And it could still become a beautiful lifetime friendship., couldn't
it?
Maggie
I think it will be the case,at least friendship,likely more if two
people want that -
but caution I'd urge-I don't like hurting another or any of those I
love.or anybody-or even my enemies,
who are invisible or only come out in the dark.Harry
even friendship,which could probably have been more beneficial,requires
superhuman effort,or as my good Abnormal Psy. professor told the
students quarelling in the lounge,"it's just as easy to get along as it
is to not get along".Friends are rare and precious.just my concluding
comments on this subject.


"I gave it all away,gave it all away to all those sobs either unwilling
or unable to accept it."-Bob Dylan as "Jack Fate" in "Masked &
Anonymous"
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