Working it Out

[Cybil Cyclone]

Hello to all,

I'm a lurker (read other's posts) but rarely a poster. I learn so much
from others especially those who are active posting in these groups
relating to BP disorder. I had a birthday and a 30 yr. anniversary of
being diagnosed and treated for BP. :)

It's been a rocky road but an interesting one. I will try to be brief.

I am on medication and see a PDoc every month. I was doing fine without
an anti-depressant until yesterday when I got on it again. I have
uncontrollable mania with hospitalization on an average of once a year.
I suffer depression several times a year but it gets easier for me to
deal with as time goes on so I thought.

The bomb dropped on me earlier this week when I learned my son got
caught with marijuana (2nd time) at school. He actually had to leave my
home for a few days so I could try to deal with it. Then my estranged
husband (gone for 3 years) who came back to me a couple months ago left
by my request on tuesday. He mentally and verbally abused me. I was
also informed that my older son who married a younger girl is having her
3rd baby in November.

I had cataract surgery on both eyes this month. I am happy to being
able to see better even though I'll be fitted for glasses with a bifocal
for reading. I am using reading glasses now and looking forward to go
back to work and possibly further my education.

I belong to an all women's support group for BP and other than posting
and receiving support from one of the gals, I have not confided in
anyone else in my real life. I am going through mini-hell and I am
feeling mixed emotions and fighting a battle of depression. I'm forcing
myself today to get out of the house and enjoy myself if only to take my
little chihuahua for a ride and a walk.

I have been doing the "self talk" and repeating cliches like "This too
shall pass" and "There's always light at the end of the tunnel" but
relief lasts momentarily. I am hurting.

I can't seem to keep from crying. I wish I could get angry but it's not
my nature.
If anyone reading this could give me some support, I would surely value
it.

A "trying to keep it together"
Cybil

[HoPpeR© trading at 1492¥]

Post by Cybil Cyclone
If anyone reading this could give me some support, I would surely value
it.
A "trying to keep it together"
Cybil

Sometimes it seems like the world piles it on. I wish had some wise
advice that would help you with all your problems but I can only offer
some advice on one thing.

You said you son was caught with pot and this seems to be an ongoing
problem. I suggest that you not fuss at him, but try to get him to
tell you why he is doing this. The large majority of kids are
experimenting socially with things like alcohol, pot, etc. If this is
all it is, and he does not get stuck with the wrong friends, then this
problem will sort itself out. The getting caught part is not good.
Point out that he does not seem to be smart enough to get away with
it, so maybe he should rethink the whole thing. The other possibility
is that he finds something in what pot does to him to be helpful in
some way. For me, I found it calmed my racing thoughts. At the time I
did not know that my thoughts were racing but I did soon understand
that I got something out of pot that others didn't, and getting "high"
was not what I wanted at all. Since BP and it's traits are genetic,
keep this possibility in mind. THC in pot is a drug like all the other
stuff we take to try and make our heads work right. The difference is
pot is illegal. That in itself makes it poorly suited for use as a
medication. Don't discount this possibility. See if you can make him
feel like he can talk about the experience with you and steer him away
from it by allowing him to come to this conclusion himself.

Glad to see you around again Cybil and miss you.

Be well,

HoP

The preceding message represents personal opinions
and/or advice that may prove incorrect or harmful. But then maybe not.
Feel free to disregard.

------- Words have no Warranty ------
------- No View without Merit ------
..

[Cybil Cyclone]

Hey there HoP,

It's good to be posting again and I am grateful for you taking the time
to respond to me.

Since Shaun has been expelled from school for 9 days, I've set some
rules and I'm not backing off. The one thing I learned which is hard
for a single mom raising boys is to be consistent keeping rules.

He was in a near fatal accident (no excuse) in 2004. He recently had a
rod taken out of his leg and is limping worse than before (still no
excuse). He claims the pot keeps him relaxed enough to rest his legs
(no excuse, again).

This summer he had a part time job on a fish farm and worked every day.
After playing detective, I found out that most the guys there either
smokes pot or the demon drug crack.

He is on a work program on his last year of school and I am insisting he
finds another job. I have kept him busy helping me each day with jobs
around the house until he finds another job or another place to live.

Tough love is hard but necessary at this time.

Thanks again for your words of wisdom and your time to respond.

Things are looking better for me now. He seems to be more aware of what
he did and knows he will be invited to court and probation soon. I'm
hoping he is ordered for drug counseling also.

I am surprised how I am dealing with the other problems of being alone
again and expecting my 3rd grandchild. Now that my husband is gone, I
feel relieved to be able to use my time for both my boys and
grandchildren.

Time is on my side and the hurt is lessening each day.

Thanks again for your thoughtful insight and it is good to be back in
the groups again.

Taking care of business and keeping it together,
Cybil
~~~~~~~~~

On Sun, Sep 17, 2006, 12:21am From: ***@gmail.com
(HoPpeR=A9=A0trading=A0at=A01492=A5) responded to
***@webtv.net (Cybil Cyclone) post which proclaimed to the
world:

If anyone reading this could give me some support, I would surely value
it.
A "trying to keep it together"
Cybil

Sometimes it seems like the world piles it on. I wish had some wise
advice that would help you with all your problems but I can only offer
some advice on one thing.
You said you son was caught with pot and this seems to be an ongoing
problem. I suggest that you not fuss at him, but try to get him to tell
you why he is doing this. The large majority of kids are experimenting
socially with things like alcohol, pot, etc. If this is all it is, and
he does not get stuck with the wrong friends, then this problem will
sort itself out. The getting caught part is not good. Point out that he
does not seem to be smart enough to get away with it, so maybe he should
rethink the whole thing. The other possibility is that he finds
something in
what pot does to him to be helpful in some way. For me, I found it
calmed my racing thoughts. At the time I did not know that my thoughts
were racing but I did soon understand that I got something out of pot
that others didn't, and getting "high" was not what I wanted at all.
Since BP and it's traits are genetic, keep this possibility in mind. THC
in pot is a drug like all the other stuff we take to try and make our
heads work right. The difference is pot is illegal. That in itself makes
it poorly suited for use as a medication. Don't discount this
possibility. See if you can make him feel like he can talk about the
experience with you and steer him away from it by allowing him to come
to this conclusion himself.
Glad to see you around again Cybil and miss you.
Be well,
HoP
The preceding message represents personal opinions and/or advice that
may prove incorrect or harmful. But then maybe not. Feel free to
disregard.
=A0=A0------- Words have no Warranty ------
=A0------- No View without Merit ------
..

[Cybil Cyclone]

Hey there HoP,

It's good to be posting again and I am grateful for you taking the time
to respond to me.

Since Shaun has been expelled from school for 9 days, I've set some
rules and I'm not backing off. The one thing I learned which is hard
for a single mom raising boys is to be consistent keeping rules.

He was in a near fatal accident (no excuse) in 2004. He recently had a
rod taken out of his leg and is limping worse than before (still no
excuse). He claims the pot keeps him relaxed enough to rest his legs
(no excuse, again).

This summer he had a part time job on a fish farm and worked every day.
After playing detective, I found out that most the guys there either
smokes pot or the demon drug crack.

He is on a work program on his last year of school and I am insisting he
finds another job. I have kept him busy helping me each day with jobs
around the house until he finds another job or another place to live.

Tough love is hard but necessary at this time.

Thanks again for your words of wisdom and your time to respond.

Things are looking better for me now. He seems to be more aware of what
he did and knows he will be invited to court and probation soon. I'm
hoping he is ordered for drug counseling also.

I am surprised how I am dealing with the other problems of being alone
again and expecting my 3rd grandchild. Now that my husband is gone, I
feel relieved to be able to use my time for both my boys and
grandchildren.

Time is on my side and the hurt is lessening each day.

Thanks again for your thoughtful insight and it is good to be back in
the groups again.

Taking care of business and keeping it together,
Cybil
~~~~~~~~~

On Sun, Sep 17, 2006, 12:21am From: ***@gmail.com
(HoPpeR=A9=A0trading=A0at=A01492=A5) responded to
***@webtv.net (Cybil Cyclone) post which proclaimed to the
world:

If anyone reading this could give me some support, I would surely value
it.
A "trying to keep it together"
Cybil

Sometimes it seems like the world piles it on. I wish had some wise
advice that would help you with all your problems but I can only offer
some advice on one thing.
You said you son was caught with pot and this seems to be an ongoing
problem. I suggest that you not fuss at him, but try to get him to tell
you why he is doing this. The large majority of kids are experimenting
socially with things like alcohol, pot, etc. If this is all it is, and
he does not get stuck with the wrong friends, then this problem will
sort itself out. The getting caught part is not good. Point out that he
does not seem to be smart enough to get away with it, so maybe he should
rethink the whole thing. The other possibility is that he finds
something in
what pot does to him to be helpful in some way. For me, I found it
calmed my racing thoughts. At the time I did not know that my thoughts
were racing but I did soon understand that I got something out of pot
that others didn't, and getting "high" was not what I wanted at all.
Since BP and it's traits are genetic, keep this possibility in mind. THC
in pot is a drug like all the other stuff we take to try and make our
heads work right. The difference is pot is illegal. That in itself makes
it poorly suited for use as a medication. Don't discount this
possibility. See if you can make him feel like he can talk about the
experience with you and steer him away from it by allowing him to come
to this conclusion himself.
Glad to see you around again Cybil and miss you.
Be well,
HoP
The preceding message represents personal opinions and/or advice that
may prove incorrect or harmful. But then maybe not. Feel free to
disregard.
=A0=A0------- Words have no Warranty ------
=A0------- No View without Merit ------
..

[Cybil Cyclone]

Hey there HoP,

It's good to be posting again and I am grateful for you taking the time
to respond to me.

Since Shaun has been expelled from school for 9 days, I've set some
rules and I'm not backing off. The one thing I learned which is hard
for a single mom raising boys is to be consistent keeping rules.

He was in a near fatal accident (no excuse) in 2004. He recently had a
rod taken out of his leg and is limping worse than before (still no
excuse). He claims the pot keeps him relaxed enough to rest his legs
(no excuse, again).

This summer he had a part time job on a fish farm and worked every day.
After playing detective, I found out that most the guys there either
smokes pot or the demon drug crack.

He is on a work program on his last year of school and I am insisting he
finds another job. I have kept him busy helping me each day with jobs
around the house until he finds another job or another place to live.

Tough love is hard but necessary at this time.

Thanks again for your words of wisdom and your time to respond.

Things are looking better for me now. He seems to be more aware of what
he did and knows he will be invited to court and probation soon. I'm
hoping he is ordered for drug counseling also.

I am surprised how I am dealing with the other problems of being alone
again and expecting my 3rd grandchild. Now that my husband is gone, I
feel relieved to be able to use my time for both my boys and
grandchildren.

Time is on my side and the hurt is lessening each day.

Thanks again for your thoughtful insight and it is good to be back in
the groups again.

Taking care of business and keeping it together,
Cybil
~~~~~~~~~

On Sun, Sep 17, 2006, 12:21am From: ***@gmail.com
(HoPpeR=A9=A0trading=A0at=A01492=A5) responded to
***@webtv.net (Cybil Cyclone) post which proclaimed to the
world:

If anyone reading this could give me some support, I would surely value
it.
A "trying to keep it together"
Cybil

Sometimes it seems like the world piles it on. I wish had some wise
advice that would help you with all your problems but I can only offer
some advice on one thing.
You said you son was caught with pot and this seems to be an ongoing
problem. I suggest that you not fuss at him, but try to get him to tell
you why he is doing this. The large majority of kids are experimenting
socially with things like alcohol, pot, etc. If this is all it is, and
he does not get stuck with the wrong friends, then this problem will
sort itself out. The getting caught part is not good. Point out that he
does not seem to be smart enough to get away with it, so maybe he should
rethink the whole thing. The other possibility is that he finds
something in
what pot does to him to be helpful in some way. For me, I found it
calmed my racing thoughts. At the time I did not know that my thoughts
were racing but I did soon understand that I got something out of pot
that others didn't, and getting "high" was not what I wanted at all.
Since BP and it's traits are genetic, keep this possibility in mind. THC
in pot is a drug like all the other stuff we take to try and make our
heads work right. The difference is pot is illegal. That in itself makes
it poorly suited for use as a medication. Don't discount this
possibility. See if you can make him feel like he can talk about the
experience with you and steer him away from it by allowing him to come
to this conclusion himself.
Glad to see you around again Cybil and miss you.
Be well,
HoP
The preceding message represents personal opinions and/or advice that
may prove incorrect or harmful. But then maybe not. Feel free to
disregard.
=A0=A0------- Words have no Warranty ------
=A0------- No View without Merit ------
..

[Otenkiya]

Post by Cybil Cyclone
Hello to all,
I'm a lurker (read other's posts) but rarely a poster. I learn so much
from others especially those who are active posting in these groups
relating to BP disorder. I had a birthday and a 30 yr. anniversary of
being diagnosed and treated for BP. :)

Happy belated birthday! :-)

Post by Cybil Cyclone
It's been a rocky road but an interesting one. I will try to be brief.
I am on medication and see a PDoc every month. I was doing fine without
an anti-depressant until yesterday when I got on it again. I have
uncontrollable mania with hospitalization on an average of once a year.
I suffer depression several times a year but it gets easier for me to
deal with as time goes on so I thought.
The bomb dropped on me earlier this week when I learned my son got
caught with marijuana (2nd time) at school. He actually had to leave my
home for a few days so I could try to deal with it. Then my estranged
husband (gone for 3 years) who came back to me a couple months ago left
by my request on tuesday. He mentally and verbally abused me. I was
also informed that my older son who married a younger girl is having her
3rd baby in November.

Ouch, ouch, and ouch. Those things would take a person not suffering
from BP for a spin. So I'm not terribly surprised that you're suffering
from depression.

Post by Cybil Cyclone
I had cataract surgery on both eyes this month. I am happy to being
able to see better even though I'll be fitted for glasses with a bifocal
for reading. I am using reading glasses now and looking forward to go
back to work and possibly further my education.

Good luck on that! :-)

Post by Cybil Cyclone
I belong to an all women's support group for BP and other than posting
and receiving support from one of the gals, I have not confided in
anyone else in my real life. I am going through mini-hell and I am
feeling mixed emotions and fighting a battle of depression. I'm forcing
myself today to get out of the house and enjoy myself if only to take my
little chihuahua for a ride and a walk.
I have been doing the "self talk" and repeating cliches like "This too
shall pass" and "There's always light at the end of the tunnel" but
relief lasts momentarily. I am hurting.
I can't seem to keep from crying. I wish I could get angry but it's not
my nature.
If anyone reading this could give me some support, I would surely value
it.

Sometimes, all we can do is hold down the fort. The cliches that you've
been feeding yourself are true, but they do little to help the fact that
you're hurting *now*. I haven't been through your exact circumstances,
but I've been in that place where I just need someone to give me a hug
(virtual or real) and tell me that everything, while not all right now,
is going to get better.

Go ahead and cry, but please...whatever you do, don't wallow. I know it
seems tempting to just go to bed, curl up in a ball, and not show your
face to the world for weeks, but that would be to let the disease win,
and we don't want that. You're doing good, buy getting out of the
house...sometimes, it's the little things (like taking a cute dog for a
walk) that do the most good.

There are lots of kind people here who are more than willing to lend an
ear...don't ever be too afraid to call (or post, as the case may be)

***virtual hugs***

The moody one,

[Cybil Cyclone]

Thanks to all who responded to me. To date, I am back to being me
enjoying my family, home, hobbies and pets.

As for my husband, we are through. I have his things packed which makes
it easier for me to think and talk of him without feeling bad.

Take care all,
Cybil

[HappyPolarBear]

I am so glad you are feeling better now.

I know I am a little late but I still send you a hug.

greetings Carmen

Post by Cybil Cyclone
Thanks to all who responded to me. To date, I am back to being me
enjoying my family, home, hobbies and pets.
As for my husband, we are through. I have his things packed which makes
it easier for me to think and talk of him without feeling bad.
Take care all,
Cybil

[TKay]

Post by Cybil Cyclone
Thanks to all who responded to me. To date, I am back to being me
enjoying my family, home, hobbies and pets.
As for my husband, we are through. I have his things packed which makes
it easier for me to think and talk of him without feeling bad.
Take care all,
Cybil

[nightbird]

Post by Cybil Cyclone
Hello to all,
I'm a lurker (read other's posts) but rarely a poster. I learn so much
from others especially those who are active posting in these groups
relating to BP disorder. I had a birthday and a 30 yr. anniversary of
being diagnosed and treated for BP. :)

I wish I'd been diagnosed thirty years ago instead of five. It might
have made life a little less of a disastor movie.

Post by Cybil Cyclone
The bomb dropped on me earlier this week when I learned my son got
caught with marijuana (2nd time) at school. He actually had to leave my
home for a few days so I could try to deal with it. Then my estranged
husband (gone for 3 years) who came back to me a couple months ago left
by my request on tuesday. He mentally and verbally abused me. I was
also informed that my older son who married a younger girl is having her
3rd baby in November.
I had cataract surgery on both eyes this month. I am happy to being
able to see better even though I'll be fitted for glasses with a bifocal
for reading. I am using reading glasses now and looking forward to go
back to work and possibly further my education.

A lot of that sounds familiar. I honor that you are taking so good
care of your son. My fifteen year old is living with his aunt and
uncle. I could get custody, but honestly don't think I could keep him
under control. Been through the bad marriage and the eye problems,
too.

Post by Cybil Cyclone
anyone else in my real life. I am going through mini-hell and I am
feeling mixed emotions and fighting a battle of depression. I'm forcing
myself today to get out of the house and enjoy myself if only to take my
little chihuahua for a ride and a walk.

I'm pretty sure my dogs saved my life. I was at the point a few years
ago when I wondered how many pills it would take, not just for me but
for them. But I couldn't do that to my babies, and wouldn't leave them
alone. Give your little chihuahua a hug for me.

Post by Cybil Cyclone
I have been doing the "self talk" and repeating cliches like "This too
shall pass" and "There's always light at the end of the tunnel" but
relief lasts momentarily. I am hurting.
I can't seem to keep from crying. I wish I could get angry but it's not
my nature.
If anyone reading this could give me some support, I would surely value
it.

I hope your life is doing better now. I know this is an older post but
would like to share what I've discovered works for me when nothing is
going right in life.

I look at all the things I want to change. I think of what I can do
*now* this day, this moment.

Most of it is beyond my control. I can worry about it (especially if
it's Friday night and I can't even call anyone about it until Monday)
and blow the day, or I can let go.

I've been going through the process of getting section-8 and there were
multiple moments when I wanted to smash something. My landlady
wouldn't fill out their form. I took papers in but nobody could tell
me if they got to the right person. I was absolutely certain that even
if it was going well and this kind of delay was normal that *somehow*
they'd turn me down and I'd have to keep renting rooms.

But I'm in my own apartment now. Right now, two weeks since I moved,
I'm still so manic I hardly can sleep, but I'm assuming I'll come down
eventually. Now, instead of trying to find a sliver of hope, I'm
trying to tug reality back into my life.

I asked my doctor recently if more meds would help the way I still
cycle and he said no. The rest is up to me to manage. I dont' think I
could hold down a job, as I don't do stress at all, but I'm hoping I
can handle a few college classes.

The thing I plan to do is keep a to-do list. I pick the most
important, and necessary thing on the list and concentrate on that.
It's about the only way I've found to cut out the clutter in my head.

This seems to work when I'm manic and can't finish anything since I
pick small steps or when I'm so down all I can say is it doesn't
matter. I don't know if this will work for everybody but its what has
gotten me through.

Valerie the Nightbird