Kelli
2006-08-12 21:58:55 UTC
Hi, I just wanted to introduce myself as I'm new here. I was hoping to
find others a bit like me. I popped in alt.support.depression.manic but
was a bit put off by the cursing and off-topic messages.
First, a bit about me. I'm 35 years old and was diagnosed bipolar II
with very rapid cycles about 2 years ago. Well, I had previously been
diagnosed bipolar when I was about 22, but I didn't believe the doc. In
addition, I had some really nasty side effects from the lithium I was
placed on at the time. So, I stopped taking the medication and stopped
seeing that doctor. Over the next 10 years or so, I was on and off
various antidepressants prescribed by my family physician, whoever that
might have been at the time. I went through a time about 8-1/2 years
ago when I was completely asymptomatic while off medications and gave
birth to a beautiful little boy who is my reason for living. (He was
diagnosed bipolar II a year and a half ago but had been showing symptoms
since he was 3). I did well off any medication for about a year, but
when I quit breastfeeding, the depression came back. I was put on
another antidepressant, which actually did quite well for almost 2
years, then slowly I started becoming more and more depressed despite
the medication, as had happened to me many times before. Finally, after
being severely depressed and nearly suicidal for several months, my
therapist convinced me to go see a psychiatrist for medication management.
I was first put on Remeron and another medication, the name of which I
forget now. This did not help, and I was placed on trazodone at night
for its antidepressant effects as well as for sleep, which I was getting
precious little of. This did not help either. I was still having
severe depressive symptoms and my ADD was becoming less well controlled
(in my opinion). I was placed on Strattera in addition to the Remeron,
trazodone, Adderall XR, and Cymbalta (that's the med I couldn't
remember) as well as Restoril for sleep. Sometime during all this, the
doctor decided I was bipolar (I apparently can't recognize my
hypomanias) and placed me on Lamictal. I did start getting a little
better with the Strattera, although I was by no means out of the
depression I was suffering. After a while, my psychiatrist decided that
the Strattera was pointless and took me off of it, fiddling with the
dosages of my other medications. After coming off the Strattera I had
quite possibly the worst depressive crash I have ever had in my life. I
attempted suicide, which I had done before, but this time I truly meant
it, and darn near succeeded. If my math skills weren't so weak, I
likely would have done it. Anyway, for the first time ever, I was
hospitalized.
During this hospitalization, my meds were changed to include Geodon. I
had very rapid improvement after the addition of Geodon. In fact, I
very quickly became hypomanic. For some reason, the doc in the hospital
decided I was safe for discharge and set me loose in that state.
Luckily, no lasting damage was done, and I managed to not do anything
patently stupid during that time. I stayed hypomanic for about 4 or 5
months then finally settled down to a normal level. I behaved myself
for a while and took my meds as prescribed, but all the while I missed
feeling really energetic.
A few months ago, I really starting doubting the diagnosis (I hear
that's pretty typical) again as I've always only been cognizant of the
depressions. I've tried coming off the medications a couple of times,
especially wanting off the Geodon as I would like to have another child
sometime before my ovaries dry up. I found out quite quickly I can't
just stop the medication. Tapering was the key. I started tapering off
the Geodon but didn't complete the taper because I started feeling
"crazy" again. Again, for a couple of months, I behaved myself and took
my medications as prescribed, but still without fully believing in the
diagnosis. In June, I began tapering off all my meds and actually was
doing well until the final taper off the Cymbalta. Unfortunately, about
3 days after I stopped taking the Cymbalta altogether, I became acutely
suicidal again. I admitted to the doc I hadn't been taking my meds. He
had me take restart the Cymbalta, Adderall, and Geodon at my previous
dose and quickly tapered the Lamictal back up to full dose.
I'm feeling better now, although I still don't feel 100% yet. At best,
I'm only very low-normal in the range of moods I experience. I also
still doubt the diagnosis, but I'm taking my meds anyway even though I
REALLY don't want to. I have to fight every day to make myself take my
medication the way I'm supposed to. I want off these drugs so bad,
despite knowing stopping them would most certainly qualify me for the DA
(dumb a$$) of the year award.
Well, that's me in a nutshell (pun intended). I was looking for people
out there who understand but could inject the voice of reason anyway.
Do any of y'all feel like the diagnosis is wrong? I still feel like I
should be able to deal with whatever is going on without the meds (Yes,
I know, this also qualifies me for the DA award). Do any of you feel
this way?
Kelli
find others a bit like me. I popped in alt.support.depression.manic but
was a bit put off by the cursing and off-topic messages.
First, a bit about me. I'm 35 years old and was diagnosed bipolar II
with very rapid cycles about 2 years ago. Well, I had previously been
diagnosed bipolar when I was about 22, but I didn't believe the doc. In
addition, I had some really nasty side effects from the lithium I was
placed on at the time. So, I stopped taking the medication and stopped
seeing that doctor. Over the next 10 years or so, I was on and off
various antidepressants prescribed by my family physician, whoever that
might have been at the time. I went through a time about 8-1/2 years
ago when I was completely asymptomatic while off medications and gave
birth to a beautiful little boy who is my reason for living. (He was
diagnosed bipolar II a year and a half ago but had been showing symptoms
since he was 3). I did well off any medication for about a year, but
when I quit breastfeeding, the depression came back. I was put on
another antidepressant, which actually did quite well for almost 2
years, then slowly I started becoming more and more depressed despite
the medication, as had happened to me many times before. Finally, after
being severely depressed and nearly suicidal for several months, my
therapist convinced me to go see a psychiatrist for medication management.
I was first put on Remeron and another medication, the name of which I
forget now. This did not help, and I was placed on trazodone at night
for its antidepressant effects as well as for sleep, which I was getting
precious little of. This did not help either. I was still having
severe depressive symptoms and my ADD was becoming less well controlled
(in my opinion). I was placed on Strattera in addition to the Remeron,
trazodone, Adderall XR, and Cymbalta (that's the med I couldn't
remember) as well as Restoril for sleep. Sometime during all this, the
doctor decided I was bipolar (I apparently can't recognize my
hypomanias) and placed me on Lamictal. I did start getting a little
better with the Strattera, although I was by no means out of the
depression I was suffering. After a while, my psychiatrist decided that
the Strattera was pointless and took me off of it, fiddling with the
dosages of my other medications. After coming off the Strattera I had
quite possibly the worst depressive crash I have ever had in my life. I
attempted suicide, which I had done before, but this time I truly meant
it, and darn near succeeded. If my math skills weren't so weak, I
likely would have done it. Anyway, for the first time ever, I was
hospitalized.
During this hospitalization, my meds were changed to include Geodon. I
had very rapid improvement after the addition of Geodon. In fact, I
very quickly became hypomanic. For some reason, the doc in the hospital
decided I was safe for discharge and set me loose in that state.
Luckily, no lasting damage was done, and I managed to not do anything
patently stupid during that time. I stayed hypomanic for about 4 or 5
months then finally settled down to a normal level. I behaved myself
for a while and took my meds as prescribed, but all the while I missed
feeling really energetic.
A few months ago, I really starting doubting the diagnosis (I hear
that's pretty typical) again as I've always only been cognizant of the
depressions. I've tried coming off the medications a couple of times,
especially wanting off the Geodon as I would like to have another child
sometime before my ovaries dry up. I found out quite quickly I can't
just stop the medication. Tapering was the key. I started tapering off
the Geodon but didn't complete the taper because I started feeling
"crazy" again. Again, for a couple of months, I behaved myself and took
my medications as prescribed, but still without fully believing in the
diagnosis. In June, I began tapering off all my meds and actually was
doing well until the final taper off the Cymbalta. Unfortunately, about
3 days after I stopped taking the Cymbalta altogether, I became acutely
suicidal again. I admitted to the doc I hadn't been taking my meds. He
had me take restart the Cymbalta, Adderall, and Geodon at my previous
dose and quickly tapered the Lamictal back up to full dose.
I'm feeling better now, although I still don't feel 100% yet. At best,
I'm only very low-normal in the range of moods I experience. I also
still doubt the diagnosis, but I'm taking my meds anyway even though I
REALLY don't want to. I have to fight every day to make myself take my
medication the way I'm supposed to. I want off these drugs so bad,
despite knowing stopping them would most certainly qualify me for the DA
(dumb a$$) of the year award.
Well, that's me in a nutshell (pun intended). I was looking for people
out there who understand but could inject the voice of reason anyway.
Do any of y'all feel like the diagnosis is wrong? I still feel like I
should be able to deal with whatever is going on without the meds (Yes,
I know, this also qualifies me for the DA award). Do any of you feel
this way?
Kelli