confused

[f***@yahoo.com]

i'm married to someone who was just diagnosed with bp. he's been my
best friend for 9yrs.he's always had an alcohol problem and a very bad
drug problem. he's 30 and he's been drinking since he was 14yrs.old.
he's smoked weed, sniffed coke, and smoked crack. now, he was my best
friend while he was doing all of this. it took me some time but
eventually he stopped everything except the drinking, but, he wouldn't
drink as much. he proposed to me a yr after he quit the drugs and we
got married. he said he never loved anyone the way he loved me and he
knew i was the one for him. i always new that he had to suffer from
some sort of depression but i never knew what until i started working
with the mentally disabled. i came accross a gentleman i worked with
that had bp and i started realizing that my husband goes through alot
of the same low and high moments. i talked to him about it and he
agreed that there may be something to that affect. then one day he got
drunk at work and his boss sent him home,to make a long story short, he
eventually ended up in a behavioral center for drugs and alcohol. when
he was there, which was for 7 days, he was diagnosed with bp and put on
meds, when he left there he was to go to intensive outpatient meetings
and AA meetings. he also met a woman there that he would talk to on the
phone, i had no problem with this. well to make this short i'll
summarize the rest. he was sober for a month, then we got into an
arguement, he then stated he wanted something different and decided he
wanted to be with this person. when asked why he said he did not know
he just does. it's been 3 wks. since he's left. he stilll wears his
ring and tells me he loves me emensly. when i ask him about a divorce
he says he doesn't want one. he's even told this girl that he still
loves me very much and that he'll never take his ring off because he's
still married to me and that he'll never marry anyone else.
now, all this confuses me so much i let him leave with her because i
want him to be happy and if he's not happy with me anymore i can't make
him stay, the friend part of me clicked in. i'm still in love with him.
and i don't know what to do. is this part of his bp and he'll be back
or is this the end of us? i also think he may have a bad mix of meds.
they've got him on 4 different meds that pretty much do the same thing.
he also has started drinking again, and smoking weed. i'm going crazy
with mixed emotions on what i should do.

[Donna]

Post by f***@yahoo.com
i'm married to someone who was just diagnosed with bp. he's been my
best friend for 9yrs.he's always had an alcohol problem and a very bad
drug problem. he's 30 and he's been drinking since he was 14yrs.old.
he's smoked weed, sniffed coke, and smoked crack. now, he was my best
friend while he was doing all of this. it took me some time but
eventually he stopped everything except the drinking, but, he wouldn't
drink as much. he proposed to me a yr after he quit the drugs and we
got married. he said he never loved anyone the way he loved me and he
knew i was the one for him. i always new that he had to suffer from
some sort of depression but i never knew what until i started working
with the mentally disabled. i came accross a gentleman i worked with
that had bp and i started realizing that my husband goes through alot
of the same low and high moments. i talked to him about it and he
agreed that there may be something to that affect. then one day he got
drunk at work and his boss sent him home,to make a long story short, he
eventually ended up in a behavioral center for drugs and alcohol. when
he was there, which was for 7 days, he was diagnosed with bp and put on
meds, when he left there he was to go to intensive outpatient meetings
and AA meetings. he also met a woman there that he would talk to on the
phone, i had no problem with this. well to make this short i'll
summarize the rest. he was sober for a month, then we got into an
arguement, he then stated he wanted something different and decided he
wanted to be with this person. when asked why he said he did not know
he just does. it's been 3 wks. since he's left. he stilll wears his
ring and tells me he loves me emensly. when i ask him about a divorce
he says he doesn't want one. he's even told this girl that he still
loves me very much and that he'll never take his ring off because he's
still married to me and that he'll never marry anyone else.
now, all this confuses me so much i let him leave with her because i
want him to be happy and if he's not happy with me anymore i can't make
him stay, the friend part of me clicked in. i'm still in love with him.
and i don't know what to do. is this part of his bp and he'll be back
or is this the end of us? i also think he may have a bad mix of meds.
they've got him on 4 different meds that pretty much do the same thing.
he also has started drinking again, and smoking weed. i'm going crazy
with mixed emotions on what i should do.

I would give his a time limit. Set a date for him to make up his
mind on whom he wants. Stick to that date. Also, if this were
me, I would make conditions on his return: no drugs and the drinking
must stop and continued work with the meds and doc for his BP.

This is your life, too, so take care of yourself. I learned that it
is really true that sometimes love just isn't enough.

Donna

[Celtic ferret]

I'm rapid cycling bp. It pretty much sucks. I've been married to an
alcholic. I met many women who "stood by their man". I decided I
didn't want to be one of them. I've been re-married to a man who holds
a steady job, doesn't drink to excess and doesn't take any illegal
drugs. I wouldn't have him if I'd stayed with the other man.

You need to go to Al Anon and Narc Anon for families of alcholics and
drug users. You can't take care of him if you can't take care of
yourself. You may be a codependant a person who does inappropriate
caretaking. You've stuck with man through all his problems.

You can't let him use his drug use, alcohol abuse and mental illness as
a way to manipulate you. He will only have power over you if you give
it to him rather than taking it yourself.

You need some counseling. You need to look at your life and decide if
you are better off with him or without him. Back to my first statement
take care of yourself so you can make that decision rationally.

KG

Post by f***@yahoo.com
i'm married to someone who was just diagnosed with bp. he's been my
best friend for 9yrs.he's always had an alcohol problem and a very bad
drug problem. he's 30 and he's been drinking since he was 14yrs.old.
he's smoked weed, sniffed coke, and smoked crack. now, he was my best
friend while he was doing all of this. it took me some time but
eventually he stopped everything except the drinking, but, he wouldn't
drink as much. he proposed to me a yr after he quit the drugs and we
got married. he said he never loved anyone the way he loved me and he
knew i was the one for him. i always new that he had to suffer from
some sort of depression but i never knew what until i started working
with the mentally disabled. i came accross a gentleman i worked with
that had bp and i started realizing that my husband goes through alot
of the same low and high moments. i talked to him about it and he
agreed that there may be something to that affect. then one day he got
drunk at work and his boss sent him home,to make a long story short, he
eventually ended up in a behavioral center for drugs and alcohol. when
he was there, which was for 7 days, he was diagnosed with bp and put on
meds, when he left there he was to go to intensive outpatient meetings
and AA meetings. he also met a woman there that he would talk to on the
phone, i had no problem with this. well to make this short i'll
summarize the rest. he was sober for a month, then we got into an
arguement, he then stated he wanted something different and decided he
wanted to be with this person. when asked why he said he did not know
he just does. it's been 3 wks. since he's left. he stilll wears his
ring and tells me he loves me emensly. when i ask him about a divorce
he says he doesn't want one. he's even told this girl that he still
loves me very much and that he'll never take his ring off because he's
still married to me and that he'll never marry anyone else.
now, all this confuses me so much i let him leave with her because i
want him to be happy and if he's not happy with me anymore i can't make
him stay, the friend part of me clicked in. i'm still in love with him.
and i don't know what to do. is this part of his bp and he'll be back
or is this the end of us? i also think he may have a bad mix of meds.
they've got him on 4 different meds that pretty much do the same thing.
he also has started drinking again, and smoking weed. i'm going crazy
with mixed emotions on what i should do.

[Celtic ferret]

I'm rapid cycling bp. It pretty much sucks. I've been married to an
alcholic. I met many women who "stood by their man". I decided I
didn't want to be one of them. I've been re-married to a man who holds
a steady job, doesn't drink to excess and doesn't take any illegal
drugs. I wouldn't have him if I'd stayed with the other man.

You need to go to Al Anon and Narc Anon for families of alcholics and
drug users. You can't take care of him if you can't take care of
yourself. You may be a codependant a person who does inappropriate
caretaking. You've stuck with man through all his problems.

You can't let him use his drug use, alcohol abuse and mental illness as
a way to manipulate you. He will only have power over you if you give
it to him rather than taking it yourself.

You need some counseling. You need to look at your life and decide if
you are better off with him or without him. Back to my first statement
take care of yourself so you can make that decision rationally.

KG

Post by f***@yahoo.com
i'm married to someone who was just diagnosed with bp. he's been my
best friend for 9yrs.he's always had an alcohol problem and a very bad
drug problem. he's 30 and he's been drinking since he was 14yrs.old.
he's smoked weed, sniffed coke, and smoked crack. now, he was my best
friend while he was doing all of this. it took me some time but
eventually he stopped everything except the drinking, but, he wouldn't
drink as much. he proposed to me a yr after he quit the drugs and we
got married. he said he never loved anyone the way he loved me and he
knew i was the one for him. i always new that he had to suffer from
some sort of depression but i never knew what until i started working
with the mentally disabled. i came accross a gentleman i worked with
that had bp and i started realizing that my husband goes through alot
of the same low and high moments. i talked to him about it and he
agreed that there may be something to that affect. then one day he got
drunk at work and his boss sent him home,to make a long story short, he
eventually ended up in a behavioral center for drugs and alcohol. when
he was there, which was for 7 days, he was diagnosed with bp and put on
meds, when he left there he was to go to intensive outpatient meetings
and AA meetings. he also met a woman there that he would talk to on the
phone, i had no problem with this. well to make this short i'll
summarize the rest. he was sober for a month, then we got into an
arguement, he then stated he wanted something different and decided he
wanted to be with this person. when asked why he said he did not know
he just does. it's been 3 wks. since he's left. he stilll wears his
ring and tells me he loves me emensly. when i ask him about a divorce
he says he doesn't want one. he's even told this girl that he still
loves me very much and that he'll never take his ring off because he's
still married to me and that he'll never marry anyone else.
now, all this confuses me so much i let him leave with her because i
want him to be happy and if he's not happy with me anymore i can't make
him stay, the friend part of me clicked in. i'm still in love with him.
and i don't know what to do. is this part of his bp and he'll be back
or is this the end of us? i also think he may have a bad mix of meds.
they've got him on 4 different meds that pretty much do the same thing.
he also has started drinking again, and smoking weed. i'm going crazy
with mixed emotions on what i should do.

[Anne]

Yeah, just take care of yourself and decide what's best for you. I'm
kind of where your at right now, and I'm having to make the same
decision. We've been together 17 years. I wish I would have bailed
along time ago, yet I feel sorry for him, but I have to do what's best
for me. I'm very tired and can't be his caretaker for the rest of my
life. Like someone said up above, they will use their illness to have
power over you. Don't let it happen.

Post by f***@yahoo.com
i'm married to someone who was just diagnosed with bp. he's been my
best friend for 9yrs.he's always had an alcohol problem and a very bad
drug problem. he's 30 and he's been drinking since he was 14yrs.old.
he's smoked weed, sniffed coke, and smoked crack. now, he was my best
friend while he was doing all of this. it took me some time but
eventually he stopped everything except the drinking, but, he wouldn't
drink as much. he proposed to me a yr after he quit the drugs and we
got married. he said he never loved anyone the way he loved me and he
knew i was the one for him. i always new that he had to suffer from
some sort of depression but i never knew what until i started working
with the mentally disabled. i came accross a gentleman i worked with
that had bp and i started realizing that my husband goes through alot
of the same low and high moments. i talked to him about it and he
agreed that there may be something to that affect. then one day he got
drunk at work and his boss sent him home,to make a long story short, he
eventually ended up in a behavioral center for drugs and alcohol. when
he was there, which was for 7 days, he was diagnosed with bp and put on
meds, when he left there he was to go to intensive outpatient meetings
and AA meetings. he also met a woman there that he would talk to on the
phone, i had no problem with this. well to make this short i'll
summarize the rest. he was sober for a month, then we got into an
arguement, he then stated he wanted something different and decided he
wanted to be with this person. when asked why he said he did not know
he just does. it's been 3 wks. since he's left. he stilll wears his
ring and tells me he loves me emensly. when i ask him about a divorce
he says he doesn't want one. he's even told this girl that he still
loves me very much and that he'll never take his ring off because he's
still married to me and that he'll never marry anyone else.
now, all this confuses me so much i let him leave with her because i
want him to be happy and if he's not happy with me anymore i can't make
him stay, the friend part of me clicked in. i'm still in love with him.
and i don't know what to do. is this part of his bp and he'll be back
or is this the end of us? i also think he may have a bad mix of meds.
they've got him on 4 different meds that pretty much do the same thing.
he also has started drinking again, and smoking weed. i'm going crazy
with mixed emotions on what i should do.

[Anne]

Yeah, just take care of yourself and decide what's best for you. I'm
kind of where your at right now, and I'm having to make the same
decision. We've been together 17 years. I wish I would have bailed
along time ago, yet I feel sorry for him, but I have to do what's best
for me. I'm very tired and can't be his caretaker for the rest of my
life. Like someone said up above, they will use their illness to have
power over you. Don't let it happen.

Post by f***@yahoo.com
i'm married to someone who was just diagnosed with bp. he's been my
best friend for 9yrs.he's always had an alcohol problem and a very bad
drug problem. he's 30 and he's been drinking since he was 14yrs.old.
he's smoked weed, sniffed coke, and smoked crack. now, he was my best
friend while he was doing all of this. it took me some time but
eventually he stopped everything except the drinking, but, he wouldn't
drink as much. he proposed to me a yr after he quit the drugs and we
got married. he said he never loved anyone the way he loved me and he
knew i was the one for him. i always new that he had to suffer from
some sort of depression but i never knew what until i started working
with the mentally disabled. i came accross a gentleman i worked with
that had bp and i started realizing that my husband goes through alot
of the same low and high moments. i talked to him about it and he
agreed that there may be something to that affect. then one day he got
drunk at work and his boss sent him home,to make a long story short, he
eventually ended up in a behavioral center for drugs and alcohol. when
he was there, which was for 7 days, he was diagnosed with bp and put on
meds, when he left there he was to go to intensive outpatient meetings
and AA meetings. he also met a woman there that he would talk to on the
phone, i had no problem with this. well to make this short i'll
summarize the rest. he was sober for a month, then we got into an
arguement, he then stated he wanted something different and decided he
wanted to be with this person. when asked why he said he did not know
he just does. it's been 3 wks. since he's left. he stilll wears his
ring and tells me he loves me emensly. when i ask him about a divorce
he says he doesn't want one. he's even told this girl that he still
loves me very much and that he'll never take his ring off because he's
still married to me and that he'll never marry anyone else.
now, all this confuses me so much i let him leave with her because i
want him to be happy and if he's not happy with me anymore i can't make
him stay, the friend part of me clicked in. i'm still in love with him.
and i don't know what to do. is this part of his bp and he'll be back
or is this the end of us? i also think he may have a bad mix of meds.
they've got him on 4 different meds that pretty much do the same thing.
he also has started drinking again, and smoking weed. i'm going crazy
with mixed emotions on what i should do.

[Anne]

Yeah, just take care of yourself and decide what's best for you. I'm
kind of where your at right now, and I'm having to make the same
decision. We've been together 17 years. I wish I would have bailed
along time ago, yet I feel sorry for him, but I have to do what's best
for me. I'm very tired and can't be his caretaker for the rest of my
life. Like someone said up above, they will use their illness to have
power over you. Don't let it happen.

Post by f***@yahoo.com
i'm married to someone who was just diagnosed with bp. he's been my
best friend for 9yrs.he's always had an alcohol problem and a very bad
drug problem. he's 30 and he's been drinking since he was 14yrs.old.
he's smoked weed, sniffed coke, and smoked crack. now, he was my best
friend while he was doing all of this. it took me some time but
eventually he stopped everything except the drinking, but, he wouldn't
drink as much. he proposed to me a yr after he quit the drugs and we
got married. he said he never loved anyone the way he loved me and he
knew i was the one for him. i always new that he had to suffer from
some sort of depression but i never knew what until i started working
with the mentally disabled. i came accross a gentleman i worked with
that had bp and i started realizing that my husband goes through alot
of the same low and high moments. i talked to him about it and he
agreed that there may be something to that affect. then one day he got
drunk at work and his boss sent him home,to make a long story short, he
eventually ended up in a behavioral center for drugs and alcohol. when
he was there, which was for 7 days, he was diagnosed with bp and put on
meds, when he left there he was to go to intensive outpatient meetings
and AA meetings. he also met a woman there that he would talk to on the
phone, i had no problem with this. well to make this short i'll
summarize the rest. he was sober for a month, then we got into an
arguement, he then stated he wanted something different and decided he
wanted to be with this person. when asked why he said he did not know
he just does. it's been 3 wks. since he's left. he stilll wears his
ring and tells me he loves me emensly. when i ask him about a divorce
he says he doesn't want one. he's even told this girl that he still
loves me very much and that he'll never take his ring off because he's
still married to me and that he'll never marry anyone else.
now, all this confuses me so much i let him leave with her because i
want him to be happy and if he's not happy with me anymore i can't make
him stay, the friend part of me clicked in. i'm still in love with him.
and i don't know what to do. is this part of his bp and he'll be back
or is this the end of us? i also think he may have a bad mix of meds.
they've got him on 4 different meds that pretty much do the same thing.
he also has started drinking again, and smoking weed. i'm going crazy
with mixed emotions on what i should do.