Possibly Bipolar Diagnosis

[Mas]

Hi, everyone -

I am reading your posts and thinking as I sit here at midnight, typing
away.

I have been treated with several antidepressants over the last ten
years (I'm 29) and have had mixed results with them. With some, I've
gone "flat" after some time with treatment. With others, I've been
extremely sensative to the dose (Prozac and Effexor) and fluctuations
have caused me to feel like I'm crawling out of my skin (feel like
tears clotting in my throat while raving, unable to concentrate, unable
to sleep. After being treated with Effexor for a few weeks, my former
doctor gave me a prescription for Ambien and sent me on my way - she
didn't seem to get that concentration was impossible, that I feel like
crying or raging at strange points, that I felt like my mind had become
a stranger to me. This all culminated in a trip to the psych ER one
Sunday. As a result of that, I have started seeing a psychiatrist who
has indicated that I have some markers of BP disorder and that he
thinks I should start taking Depakote. Has anyone taken Depakote? How
hard is the adjustment?

I don't know what to think - some of the questions the psychiatrist
asked were hard for me to understand - such as have you ever felt
manic? Wouldn't that have different meanings for all of us?

Anyway, much of it is a mystery to me at this point - but thank you all
for giving me courage to post.

[Snell]

Welcome. I'm new here, but I've found this an understanding,
knowledgeable, and kind group of people.

"Manic" is more ineffable than "depressed"--and I think most people
agree. It took me a long time just to learn what it felt like.
Yelling back at my boss finally! (Whoops.) Or I'm in this great
bookstore, one of the best for hundreds of miles, and when else am I
going to get a chance to buy these books? (But the books are $800 --
much more than I can afford.) Or when *I* think that I'm just having
dinner with X and Y but in fact I spent the whole time
talking--narrating my cognitions to them--and silencing them? It's
very hard. You don' t want to ask the people close to you--"How am I?
Am I acting manic?" I have tried to learn to recognize the usually
very hurt expression in people's eyes, when I'm manic. I'm very
happy--but all the people I love (and like) look miserable. That's a
(very painful) tip-off.

I like Lamictal better than Depakote!

Snell